People come and go. That’s life. But everyone of us came into this world with a purpose. Grandma was no big shot, she is neither famous nor rich. She was, to most people, just another parent/grandparent. She was a simple person, very down to earth, and didn’t really cared much about material wealth. She cared for me and my siblings during our primary and secondary school days, and watched over us while our parents were busy at work. There’s usually only these things on her mind: food, sweets (yes, she loves Hacks and Ricola), shower, prayers, sleep.
Grandma started having mild dementia, and as a young ignorant kid I found it annoying that she asked the same questions over and over again. It was only that when I grew up that I learnt that it is an irreversible medical condition that affects many older people.
Grandma spent many years in Singapore with us, but since she was getting older and gotten physically weaker, she returned to her hometown in Kuching, Sarawark. Several years later, she moved in with my uncle in Kota Kinabalu.
I visited grandma a few years ago. I think I haven’t seen her for close to 10 years as I was busy studying in poly, then went to the army, then to work. She was still strong, and at the age of 80+ (close to 90), she was still able to walk up and down stairs. I believed it was her simple way of life, the simple food that she ate, and her active lifestyle that kept her physically strong. It is unfortunate that her dementia had gotten worse. She would forget if she had eaten, and often mistook me for “ah beng” — my elder cousin, and she still thinks I’m studying although I was already married.
I heard about grandma’s detrioriating condition and visited her earlier this year. Most times she would be asleep in the nursing home, but one day she was awake, and her eyes were wide open. My mum tried speaking to her, but she didn’t seem to respond, or was basically unable to respond. My mum thought she couldn’t see or hear anymore. I took my phone, dug out some photos of me and my wife and I crawled up on the bed and placed my phone in front of her. I said to her in chinese: “Do you remember me? I am TZ. I am married now. This is my wife. I’m no longer studying and I’m working now. Do you remember me?” She nodded.
But it was hard for me to see grandma in such a condition — she was in pain and had tubes in her nose and was not able to move or speak. She had an operation on her leg, and because she couldn’t move her leg, her leg muscles had stiffened up so much that she was always in a foetal position. I wished I could do something to help her.
As part of her dementia, grandma would often have negative thoughts: She would say things like somebody stole her money, or somebody scold her, and she would also often say (in Chinese) that she wants God to take her away. Of course we would tell her to stop talking nonsense.
But now, I hope God has really taken her to a better place. She would turn 94 next year, and her journey has been a long one. She didn’t give us (kids) gifts, money or other things. She left behind nothing material. But what is most important is that she gave us her love and left behind fond memories of her. For all that she has done, I am eternally grateful.
May you rest in peace. We all miss you.